What do you do when you feel discouraged?
What do you do when things don’t go as planned?
What do you do when you don’t feel like you’re moving in the direction or as fast as you think you should?
Lately, life has been showing me that I am not in control. I never really thought I had full control over everything before, but now I am being shown that I have even less control than I thought and it is driving my Capricorn moon CRAZY!! Since coming back to New York, I have been locked in. Like, straight tunnel vision. I haven’t gone out, bought a drink or a single indulgence since being here. I haven’t taken a random night off. I haven’t really allowed myself any time to relax and just chill.
Mainly because my baby boy is in Nashville and I feel like I can’t waste any time because the longer it takes me to get this done, the longer it takes for me to get him back here with me. I know that my child is safe. I know that my child is protected and cared for and loved by the same people who love me. But I also know that my child is not with me and it hurts. Though I have been crushing my goals, paying down debt and checking shit off of my to do list left and right…it feels good, but I can’t act like I don’t feel the pain of the absence of my sun. Usually I would have felt the burnout much sooner, but I think the thought of not having my child with me gives the the burst of energy to go harder each day.
I’m growing and it’s beautifully uncomfortable but within the past month, my car has broken down, student loans upped my monthly payments and a host of other things have transpired that have required me to slow tf down, take a step back from things and finally come up for air. Initially, I was beyond frustrated, discouraged and really mean to myself because I felt like I was letting myself and my sun down but now I’m choosing to silence my negative self talk and tell myself that this is just life reminding me to breathe. Come up for air and give yourself room for flexibility because you can’t control everything, JAZ!
I really came here to rant, I guess. But maybe it’ll help someone else who is experiencing the same thing…
The biggest hurdles usually comes right before something great, right? At least, this is what I keep telling myself. Currently waiting on this great shit to pop off…