“I look at myself in the mirror a lot more now.”
In July 2019, I packed up my car and my baby and drove from West Point, New York to Nashville, Tennessee. Correction: my mom flew into NY to ride down with us and I actually drove from New York to Knoxville, Tennessee (3 hours from home) and when I asked my mom to switch with me and drive us home, she decided she was too tired and we got a hotel room for the night. Literally, after nearly 12 hours of driving, we get a room before we finish the last 3 hours. Gotta love my mama! Lmao. She turns even the smallest event into a hilarious and memorable experience. The best.
Anywho, on this drive I was preparing my mind to leave Nashville without my baby. I was going down to drop him off with my mom and his dad for a few months so that I could make more strides with my acting career. Needless to say, this was, hands down the single most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my entire life and I’m crying now just thinking about it. To go from being with my baby all day and all night of every day to not seeing him for months is traumatizing for me.
When I got to Nashville, I kept putting off my return to New York off week by week. I was telling myself (and others) that I was staying to help him get adjusted to not being around me…while he was still with me ?. See how full of shit I am sometimes?! Smh.
But if nothing else, I used this as a time to self reflect. On who I was and who I imagined myself being. I also spent majority of the time reflecting on how to become who I imagined. I know I have a commodious amount of potential and I know what it takes to be successful. I’ve always known. But somewhere between getting adjusted and battling depression, I started sleeping on myself. But leaving my baby behind was the wake up call I needed. It’s now or never. And it all started with the reflection.